10 ways to lose weight without doing exercise (that I would NOT recommend!)

#1 Go on a Hunger Strike!

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A sure fire winner, watch as the body slowly deteriorates. Difficult to motivate yourself without a genuine cause but it can be done…  As each day goes on you will feel your basic bodily functions start to fail.

 

#2 Find a group of Slim Friends!

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Find a circle of friends who live on a lettuce leaf and a glass of prosecco. Just being around them will make you feel like the pounds are flying off. Be prepared for month’s of insecurity while your body adapts to their new way of life. This is quite an expensive diet plan as you try to keep up with their lavish lifestyle. Your weekly shop will consist of a few vegetables and a nice selection of bubbly.

 

#3 Drink 2 litres of Diet Cola a day instead of water

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Pick up the latest 6, 12 or 24 pack from your local supermarket. Temporary bloated-ness will help to stop you consuming any food. By the time the caffeine and aspartame wears off… get ready for a sudden mental crash followed by mood swings and slow acidic erosion of your dental display.

#4 Treat Carbs like they don’t exist

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Drain yourself of this wretched substance so that you have absolutely no energy and your body tries to squeeze any possible nutrition from the alternative diet you replaced it with. Watch you emotions go haywire as your brain works excessively in the hope that it can find a carb somewhere to help it complete a basic task.

#5 Replace meals with cigarettes

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This low calorie cigarette meal supplement is a great way to start losing any excess… especially around your face while you start to look mildly septic in appearance. Be prepared for a leathery texture in your mouth, some bad breath and a scent strong enough to leave a lasting impression on the room while you go back outside for your lunch break.

#6 Skip breakfast forever

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Stretch your hungathon for as long as you can or until you start suffering short term memory loss as a regular midday occurrence. Beware of late night cravings as your mind will get used to eating 2 meals a day instead of 3. It’s a sure fire way to become  diabetic through juggling your blood sugar levels and playing with your insulin trigger.

#7 Chicken, Chicken and more Chicken

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Live on it, grill it, boil it, roast it, fry it… It doesn’t matter as you will be clucking in your sleep and find yourself walking around in circles in the garden after a couple of months.

#8 Take ecstasy and dance for 6 hours a night

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A phenomenal cardio workout. A mix of the drugs and the dancing is sure to get your blood pumping. Be prepared for potentially severe mental side affects, drastic come downs the following day and long term respiratory and heart problems. Be careful you don’t start drinking like a fish though otherwise the calories might actually prop back up. Sleep deprivation will also be an issue and you may find yourself bunking of work while you catch up on the zzzzz’s.

#9 Live on dietary supplements

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Just live on dietary supplements which supposedly provide you with all you need. Why eat a plate of food? when you can pop a few tablets and get the goodness without the calories. Be sure to drink lots of water!

#10 Eat exactly 1000 calories per day by consuming 4 packets of crisps

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Why not go for this calorie controlled diet. Just eat 4 bags of crisps (potato chips in US) with an average of 265 calories a bag. Just remember to chuck a couple a way from your last bag so you can eat EXACTLY 1000 calories per day.

 

Don’t take every bloggers advice as gospel. People give bad advice in real life and the same applies online. Just because an article looks wonderful and the person has 1,000,000 + views does not mean that they are qualified to advise on your life’s scenario. Take all information with a pinch of salt (sugar in this example) and form your own opinions based on your experience, understanding of self and research.

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Exercise as recommended by nature is the safest way to maintain your health and wellbeing. It is also great for the mind as it releases emotions of achievement, love of self and accomplishment on completion!

 

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