Arranged marriages are constantly thwarted by bad press suggesting assumable force and ulterior motives but the truth is modern society is so brainwashed by reality TV and the perception of what a strong partnership is that it cannot fathom the idea that you could leave your biggest life choice to those you trust most. Love is big business and popular culture and celebrityism (The Kardashians) have done their best to raise the expectancy levels on your prospective partner to such a degree that their will be disappointment at some point and set you up for the season finale with a money spinning divorce. Art imitates life imitates art; so are we all suddenly living in a soap opera? The script has to be constantly good, make up artists, drama and beautiful product placement. (Reality TV? are you sure?)
I cannot give prime examples for all marriages but certainly in Sikh history and in a time of greater respect for others the marriages did work. I look at my parents, they are intimately close. Their bond is unbreakable, they have low expectancy of each other and will defend each other through any external influence. They met on their wedding day, my father’s sister chose his bride and they knew extensively the family history did necessary background checks and then did a simple task which is more difficult today in that they trusted their loved ones. So why does my parents relationship still work now? they have always been honest with each other, accepted shared blame when things go wrong and never publicly or in front of their children criticised or humiliated one another.
The very pursuit of perfect love has been altered from perfectly loving someone to loving the perfection of someone. All males must converge to David Beckham and all females must converge to Kim Kardashian is kind of the school of thought here. You are not going to be measured against the trials of your life but how you compare to iconic celebrity to satisfy your partners expectations and acceptance of your love. If this is the case… the alarm bells should be ringing and it’s time to get out.
When we were children in a time before mass exposure… the popular game would be played of mums and dads where you would role play as parents (I am sure you all remember it). The game was simple it was about sharing tasks, talking and supporting each other. I can’t think of a time when the game was played and there was a third party involved who is constantly whatsapp’ing or advising either party how to say or act.. The influence of a third party on a union apart from initial matchmaking causes the break of the partnership.
If the third party influences the decisions that were previously joint then the partnership breaks down. The third party exercises control, judgement from their own failings and experiences and above all jeopardizes the trust in the partnership. The third party in this instance can be a person whom has the trust of one or the other, a toxic influence which boost’s a negative characteristic in the persona of either partner or the entrapment of celebrityism as explained above.
Love is not dead nor overrated. Love is old news until there is a break up so be mindful of your decisions and make sure that there is not a third person involved when you reach your point of no return. Furthermore, safeguard your decision by taking time and necessary care and attention to the details of why you have reached the point of deciding to love someone or not. A relationship without love is just a business transaction and a business without passion and direction is one doomed for failure. Every decision needs to be decree absolute.